I had the first one today, and boy are there some notes in the little box! 25% of recipients suffer some sort of reaction, which is quite high…

Anyway, this baby stings like hell for 5 minutes after the actual jab but at least I didn’t suffer an immediate reaction (30 minutes after the jab) so I was pleased about that… However, I cannot leave the country for 10 days and I MUST be near a hospital for the next 17 days in case I do get a reaction… 17 days?? That seems a long time as I have my second dose in 11 days time!!

Also I cannot drink alcohol for 48 hours  - I’m counting the hours already! About an hour ago I had a vomiting episode, let’s hope that’s the end of any reaction, at least I’m not breaking out in urticaria hives, well… not yet anyway.

The injection is made of mouse brains that are infected with the disease. It comes in two bottles, the brains in one bottle and some kind of salt solution in the other. They are mixed together, shaken and injected. Mouse brains look just like a very fine white powder, you learn something every day!

The nurse was very careful and disinfected her hands several times… Apparently they can also get a reaction if they come into contact with the stuff too!! Oh well, onwards and upwards… Only 2 more of these to go!

Finally, I decided to have the good old Japanese Encephalitis jab… Of which there are 3. The good nurse told me that there would be a charge for this jab as it wasn’t available for free, unlike all the jabs I’d had so far.. “What’s the cost?” I asked.. “£18″ she said .. “Oh, that’s not too bad” I chirped! “…. “per jab” she continued… “£54 in total” - “Ahhh.. Well… OK, let’s go for it!”

“I need to get this signed by a doctor, you need to wait in the waiting room” .. Well, I was happy overall. All of the other jabs cost me nothing, so I sat waiting…

I could see the doctor and the receptionist in a heavy discussion, and eventually I was called over…. “Mr. Harpham, I’m afraid there is a charge for this vaccine” the receptionist said, almost apologetically… “I know! I’ve been told already” I said brightly in an attempt to cheer her up somewhat for being the bearer of bad news…

“It’s £9 she said, and you need to pay now… ” Well, even if you’re not that good at maths, £9 is way cheaper than £54 and I slapped a £20 note on the counter. I received my change and headed for the chemist to get my goods… At this point things started to go sour..

The chemist told me that there would be a charge for this vaccine.. “Oh no” I said.. “I paid the doc!”

“Yes, for the administration of the drug” he assured me…  Shoot.. I never even thought of that. In the UK we pretty much get all health care for free. For some reason this drug isn’t covered, or even licensed in the UK, so we resort to the “private model” of healthcare!

So, my £9 covers the nurse to give me 3 jabs… That’s £3 per jab, it has to be good value by anyone’s reckoning. So the cheery chemist goes and makes a phone call.. I hear him say “£54″ down the phone. This is the figure I was first quoted. So far so good.

He comes over to me and says “This will cost you £90″

“What??” I replied with some venom, “I was told it was £54″

“Yes, that’s my cost price” he said aggressively. “There is a £20 delivery charge plus a 10% handling fee plus my profit”

I politely told him to go forth and multiply, and to hand back my prescription.. “Suit yourself” he said “If you think you can get it cheaper you’re welcome to try!” So I did.. and I did

Even so, I didn’t save much money but it’s the principle I suppose. I’m dreading this injection, the side effects can be very severe, including death! Yes, that’s right… DEATH is a frigging SIDE EFFECT!! Well, it’s only happened once. BUT.. It’s happened!!

I can just see the leaflet that’s in the box: Possible side effects include nausea, sweating, vomiting and death… If you experience any of these symptoms please contact your physician immediately..

OK, I’ll try…

If this blog suddenly stops after the 6th July please alert every authority you can think of!

So what does it mean? “Foreign Expert” in China? Well, naturally I’ve been digging around on the net and this is what I’ve found out:

• Who can be considered foreign experts working in China?

1. Foreign educational, scientific, cultural and medical experts
2. Foreign economic, technical and managerial experts
3. Representatives of foreign experts’ organizations and resident representative offices of personnel intermediary agents ratified by the State Bureau of Foreign Experts Affairs of China and registered by industrial, commercial, administrative departments (managerial, profit-making) or civil affairs departments ( non-profit-making)

• “Foreign experts” is a term for those foreign specialists who are invited to work in China to meet the needs of the Chinese economic construction and social development. Once approved by the departments concerned, they can be employed to work in China as foreign experts.
• According to the ” Civil Lawsuit Law of the People’s Republic of China”, the “Administrative Lawsuit Law of the People’s Republic of China ” and the “Contract Law”, foreign experts enjoy the same legal rights and duties as the citizens of the People’s Republic of China. If the courts of the concerned foreign expert’s country employ restrictions over the rights and duties of the Chinese citizens in their countries, then equivalent restrictions will be employed over these foreign experts in China.
• Foreign experts can enjoy preferential treatment given by the Chinese government and will be praised or awarded for their good performance by the local governments or their work units. The highest award is the “Friendship Prize” given by the Chinese government.

So there you go… At least I will be equal to all Chinese nationals, that’s a great pluspoint! But I’ve heard also that the FEs get a lot of preferential treatment.. I’ll report here if that’s the case, for now I will keep an open mind!

Let me introduce you to Jeff. A few months ago I was in town doing some window shopping. I live in a town of about 50,000 people I suppose. It’s not very big but has some nice pubs, shops and restaurants all the same.. Talking of shops, one of them in the arcade is a Chinese Herbs and Acupuncture Centre, I suppose most towns have something similar. Anyway, I was reading all the literature in the window and I suppose I must have been there longer than I suspected because someone came out and said “Hello!” Well, I just happened to know the Chinese for “Hello”  so I replied confidently “Ni Hao!” and the poor Chinese girl’s jaw nearly hit the floor!

“You speak Chinese??” she exclaimed, and her face lit up like a beacon. Eager to impress further I continued to use up two thirds of my total Chinese vocabulary by saying “yes” or “shi” in Chinese.. Boy, I could tell that I’d impressed her and she invited me into the shop.

By now, I’m on a roll but quickly became unstuck when, in front of the other 2 Chinese employees she rattled off for 30 seconds to me in Chinese.. I’m totally confused by now and naturally didn’t understand anything she’d said. What did I do? Like a fool I used the last word of Chinese in my armoury… “Thank you” or “xie xie” in Chinese.

Amazingly this was greeted with smiles and vigorous handshakes from the 2 male employees… What the hell had she said? I would never find out, but I did figure this was the time to come clean about my Chinese language abilities… Fortunately laughs all round and I was introduced by “Ri” or maybe “Ree” to the other two. One was introduced as “Jeff” and the other as “Dr. Wu” (Yes, really!)

I casually dropped it into the conversation that I was going to work in China later this year as a teacher of English. They were all excited by this and they asked “Which City?” I was expecting deathly silence when I replied “Harbin” as it is really a remote, though large, city and it’s not exactly as well known as Beijing and Shanghai.. Imagine my surprise when the word Harbin was greeted with whoops of laughter and smiles all round… It just happens to be Jeff’s home city! I sensed that I had already become Jeff’s best mate in the UK, and he spent the next 90 minutes telling me all about Harbin! What a result. We exchanged email addresses and I was invited to pop in at any time to discuss anything with “My mate Jeff”.. Today was one of those days!

So I popped in and politely asked if they were busy.. “Yes”, replied Jeff… “OK, I wanted your advice but I can call another time” I replied, turning towards the door.. “No, please! We aren’t that busy!” came the reply in unison from Jeff and Ri.. (Dr. Wu was in the back doing a kidney transplant using acupuncture, probably)

“Ah good! I hope you can help me with these documents I received from China today.”

They read them with interest and informed me that I had a letter of invitation from the province inviting me to work there as a “Foreign Expert”.. I said “Are you sure?” - “Yes! It says here, Foreign Expert” and they pointed to the relevant heiroglyphical  characters which meant nothing to me but I nodded anyway in some sort of acceptance.. You must take them to the Chinese Embassy to get your visa!

“Foreign Expert” I was thinking… That’s a step up from “Foreign Teacher” - In fact, a huge step up from what I’ve read - Experts get a lot more than plain old Teachers.. Watch out for the next post in which I’ll try to explain the difference of an “Expert” from a “teacher”..

Now, as it turns out Nikki isn’t working for the same university, but she will be from September just like me. She is however in Harbin at another school. She is full of praise for the uni setup though..

This girl is very switched on .. I mean it! Although she’s only 19 years old she left Canada to do research in China totally alone! Now, people have told me that I am brave.. Forget it.. She is incredibly brave. I think back to when I was 19… Hmm.. What shall I do today? Go to China for a year! Actually no, it never occurred to me!

But she actually did it, and is there right now! She’s also volunteered to help me, to meet me at the airport, to kick the arse of the mysterious Mr. Gao.. and she has too. She’s a Godsend right now as Vicki seems to have disappeared into thin air. No emails from her. Emails sent to her now bounce back.. Thank God for Nikki!

Hopefully I will get the vital letter of invitation in the next 2 weeks, watch this space!

Today, he suddenly decides that my passport scan is unreadable.. WHAT? You’ve had it for 6 months and all of a sudden you can’t see it? Apparently that’s the case as he casually mentioned to another teacher…

Fortunately, this other teacher alerted me to this problem - Now I have to re-scan and send him a very large (one km square) pic of my mugshot on the passport, plus (to be on the safe side) every other size in between… Covering all bases!

With less than 9 weeks to go this has now become a priority .. I need to do this ASAP because he will only write invitation letters on Mondays.. Which is really weird, cos they need me more than I need them, but that’s the way it is

Anyway, it will be done AGAIN with a smile on my face and hopefully the letter of invitation will be arriving on my doormat within 2 weeks - At which point I can get the visa.. Then I can book a flight.. Ho hum.. 8 weeks and counting..

Somewhere along the line our wonderful government have come up with “Part P” certification.. “WHAT?? Part P, what the hell is that??” I  here you cry.. Well, it’s apparently a licence to print money for our electricians..

Because there are an average of 10 deaths per year in the UK due to faulty electrics, the wonderful government have come up with this scheme.. All electrical work in kitchens must conform to “Part P” (Where the hell do they dream up these letters?) - And guess what? There’s not really a way around it.. You will never be able to sell your house unless it conforms to the “Part P” regulations!

Which means.. All electricians in the country are now writing their own pay cheques.. We are trapped.. My seven sockets will cost me around £1000 ($2000) for basically 1.5 days work! I must re-train, it cannot be that hard for Gawd’s sake!

PLUS.. All work carried out by the certified “Part P” electricians actually requires by law that our local authority is informed of the work done and that it’s done to standard.. Great news! My house is now officially safe electrically and the local govt knows about it, that’s gotta be good.. EXCEPT.. I have to PAY to tell them my house conforms!

I’m losing the will to live, roll on China.. 9 weeks to go!

Then, out of the blue it was announced that Crosby Kitchens were investing in a completely computerised system.. Remember, this was in the 1970s and half the population still actually believed that computers were not real and were made up by Hollywood..

Anyway, they wanted someone to take charge and an aptitude test was set for those interested.. Naturally, that included me! The test was all logic and Mensa type puzzles. I found it quite easy and could not understand the fuss others were making of it. It was only later that I learned that the test wasn’t of intelligence or knowledge, it was just to separate people on how their brains worked. Those that found it easy would make better computer programmers. To this day I think it was a valuable test. However, I didn’t get the job!

The job of “Data Processing Manager” went to a guy who drove a fork lift truck in the warehouse. He was university educated but never achieved what he should have with his degree. This test also shaped his life path too… However..

I didn’t get the job so went back to my job in accounts. Some months later it was announced that an assistant was going to be needed, and yes, this was my moment of glory. But…

Another dramatic turn in my life was realised when I started losing weight.. rapidly - I went down to just over 7.5 stones (105 pounds) and for a guy at 21 years old and almost 6 feet tall this wasn’t great news… I was so tired and was drinking gallons of fluids each day. My work was suffering, as was everything else in my life… I had to see a doctor. I dragged myself to the surgery one evening.

“Doctor, I think I might be an alcoholic” I blurted out.. “Why do you say that?” asked the doctor, obviously probing for more information! “Well, I need to go to the pub straight from work each evening and order 2 pints on entry. The first pint is finished before the second one is even pulled!” I said.. “I see….” said the doc… “Can you pee into this now for me?” - What a stupid question! I was bursting! “Yessss!” I almost screamed at him and I proceeded to do the deed!

He dipped some strips into it and told me to sit down… “I’m afraid you’re diabetic” he said… “Dire what?” I replied in complete ignorance..

“I’m phoning for an ambulance now, you will be admitted to hospital”

“No way! I’m getting married in 8 weeks!”

“OK - You’ll be going to your funeral in less than 6 weeks - Your choice!” Sometimes words like that focus your mind instantly.. I was in trouble with an illness I knew nothing about..

I spent 2 weeks in hospital and got married on time. Had child. Got divorced some 10 years later…. Where was I? OH YES!! How did working for Crosby Kitchens change my life… Well it did just a bit!

SOOOOOOO….. 30 years later I hear that there had been a management buyout by 4 of my ex-colleagues, so I went to see what the setup was and how it was doing.. Was I impressed or what? The phoenix had risen from the ashes and Crosby was back! The most quality kitchens in the UK were up and running again! I was really pleased for them! But I also needed a new kitchen, so could they help? Well yes they could they offered me the Monet Beech range at a great price,

but then they offered me the Picasso Walnut range,

which is what I think I’ll be taking. Pictures are available of both ranges.. What great guys. It was like I’d never left, I’ll never forget my time there, and I’ll never forget the friendship and generosity given for my new kitchen!